Golden Eyes
by extremely cool 7
Summary: Clementine remembers all the terror and death her golden eyes have seen. Her friends were unexpectedly leaving making her wandering all alone through the cold and the storm coming on. She spends her last moments within old memories she's shared with those people. ONE-SHOT SEPARATED IN CHAPTERS!
1. Guilt on Her Shoulders

**It's a one-shot and it'll be finished soon. It's about Clementine remembering her friends and thier deaths while she's wandering alone in the cold and there's storm coming on, but she's completely alone! Supposed to be sad! Sorry for any spelling errors!**

**Golden Eyes **

* * *

_There were all of them, sitting next to a sparky fireplace, each one telling others their own stories, the ones that leave you with a smile on your face and make you laugh. The house was never warmer but never fuller, and everyone has felt that good vibe lingering in the nice air full of cheerful amthosphere. Someone was sitting on the couch, somebone grabbed a few chairs while others had no other choice but to sit on the floor, but thankfully it was anything but cold, surprisingly for all of those people who have survived for two hard years since the mess started first._

_The most important thing was family, even if most of these people weren't blood related, they felt family in their hearts, they shared the good and the bad, together just like they promised. Rebecca had given a birth to a little beautiful boy named after his father, Alvin, although everyone called him AJ for short. She was sitting next to her loyal husband Alvin, who had his arm placed around her neck. Next to them there was Carlos, who seemed the most serious 'guy' in the group, but he was enjoying his company as well. Sarah, of course, tied next to her father, leaving her cheerfully giggles after some joke was told. Nick was sitting on a chair, and he was telling a lot of fun stories that had happened from the past, often including his best friend Luke. His best friend was sitting close to him, but on a wooden floor just like Clementine, who was across him. Kenny with his girlfriend Sarita laughed and was finally happy, but who didn't feel even a little of this optimism that night? Bonnie was patiently looking at Luke with her ice blue eyes full of concern. Mike and Jane joined this never bigger group and shared some good that was left from them._

_That was the night Clementine would never ever forget. It was so special for her because they all survived together and finally found time to just be themselves, far away from the walkers and the troubles. No one could ruin this for them. After all, they had beds, food, a big place to stay, and the most important - they had friends. Friends who were ready to die for each other, unselfish friends. The place was literally full, which Clementine indeed enjoyed. Her golden eyes reflected those big flames of fire, they were peacefully looking at each one member of her 'family', as she calls them now. Oh, how glad she was when she saw them all together and happy! Why couldn't this last forever? _

_" So this one time, Nick and I were at the high school, and-" Luke laughed a little but managed to continue what he had planned "Yeah, we were in the room for music, ya know? There were all kinds of instruments, and of course we weren't supposed to be there, not at all. But Nick bein', well Nick, he had a huge crush on some girl who'd play, lemme remember..." Nick not so cheerfully as Luke added "It was a violin."_

_Luke nodded with a smile "That's it! A majestic violin! We sneaked up there and, and Nick wrote some kind of song or poem, I dunno, and he wanted to ask her out while playin' her violin." Everyone smiled at thought of Nick singing and playing, a violin! And it was supposed to be romantic! "He got ready while waitin' on her, her name was Juliet, couldn't have been worse! His Juliet showed up and he started, I swear he was sweating like a freakin' pig! Anyway, he started and gosh, that was probably the funniest thing ever! His voice cracked, he has never played a violin and the girl was confused. I laughed and he heard it, not like I regret it, he did somethin' bad, shit, I don't know about playin' those instuments and one of the wires broke causing him to throw the violin on the floor. His face was so red I had to calm myself in case I don't die from laughter. The girl cursed, yelled, and the whole school knew it for a second! Not just that he had to pay for a new violin, speak to the grumpy hehadmaster and a music teacher, the girl said NO and embarrassed him in front of the whole shitty school!"_

_Everyone laughed, except Nick who seemed angry at Luke revealing his failure as a teenager "Yeah, yeah. So funny."_

_"Man sorry, but there ain't no way you can deny that wasn't funny! Seems kinda original." Mike added and Bonnie joined him "Aw, don't ya be so harsh on him. We've all done, well stupid things."_

_"Those stupid things seem hilarious as shit." smile curved on Mike's face once again._

_Clementine was gowling from the happiness she hasn't experienced in a long long time. It felt like all the joy was trying to make an explosion, but it stayed still, only visibly on her eyes. The night slowly passed away, without anyone noticing it. They all had to go get some rest, Nick's watch was telling it was around three hours in the shared a bed with Sarah, as usually, and Sarah fell asleep as soon as she lay on a comfortable bed. Clementine was still there, awake, listening to snores of other members, and she calmly looked through a window next to her side. The skies were full of shining stars, pines slowly swinging with the September wind. She gazed at the pretty night until doubts and all kinds of thoughts came to her little mind. What if someone dies, just when she's gotten used to them? What if they all leave her completely alone like months ago Christa left her wandering through the unfamiliar wildness? Could they all survive? She promised herself she'll do everything in order to save them, she won't give up without a battle! Was it even possbile for her to keep going on after their deaths? Why was she thinking about the worst scenario now!? Her friends were right here, with her, peacefully sleeping, yet she was thinking about some future and fate? She desperately needed to rest, rest her too worried poor mind._

Clementine experienced just what she thought about that night, she was about to see the worst of this sick world. It started to vanish them all when Nick died. She was right there, seeing him getting bitten on his left arm. There were just too much of them, and there was only her, Nick and Jane. The others, well, they were at the new place they found. Those three unlucky souls were going on a run for food, little Alvie was getting hungrier each day and they had no choice. That stupid walker got Nick when his gun accidently dropped. Jane, like always, was fighting on her own those dead, and Clementine, oh dear Clementine, was too busy to see what was happening around her tiny body.

She could have saved him, she had a gun with few bullets left, but the only thing that was left that day was a bite on Nick's arm. His scream and yelling for help was haunting her even and today. When he faces her, the blue ocean eyes looked at her in a terror, he was scared to death, he finally admitted it. Clementine knew how much he was sad after Pete's death, and all the things he had said to her that night while drinking alcohol, but now, it was different. They ran away, no words came out of their mouth, not even Jane had any strength to say anything.

Walking down the narrow path full of dirt, Clementine felt a guilt swinging her whole body, her mind accusing her for being too slow and stupid. She killed that walker, but it was too late. They eventually got back to the rest of group, but Clementine didn't seem to care. How could she be so foolish!? All those years counted as nothing when she couldn't save her friend! Luke greeted them, confused by the silence of those three and unexpected sadness. Clementine didn't get her head up, she just walked past all of those people, and running to 'her' room on the last floor. She could hear different voices calling out her name in worry and questions, but she countinued getting up before she would burst up crying like a baby. As she entered the room, her shaking arms somehow managed to close the door. She had no will and she sat down in front of the door, touching them with her back. Clementine burried her face wet from tears in knees and silently sobbed hoping no would come to check on her, she didn't want to see anyone.

Her promise given to Pete, to Luke, to herself, got broken because of her stupid self. She felt like her heart was ripping on small parts, each one hurting as much as the first one. People came and came in front of the door, asking is she's okay but she'd just brush them off or stay silent like she's dead, because she felt like she was. He was her friend, he was a good man, he didn't deserve that! Jane, Nick and her know she could save him from fading away like this! All the hope and light she's had was gone. She felt like her soul was a dark, hollow yet heavy hole trying to eat her, and she deserved it, at least that's what she thought. So stupid, so pointless, she didn't even apologize, not like it mattered because she killed the innocent man. Hours have passed by and she saw two figures walking into the woods from house ; Nick and Luke. What has she done? She caused a man to kill his best friend and she would never forgive herself for a stupid mistake she's made.

* * *

The loss didn't even stop, not for a single minute. Clementine was still fighting with the guilt on her and now the other one is going away. This time it was Alvin and Carlos, both fathers who risked themselves to protect their loved ones. Sarah and Rebecca wanted them back so badly they stopped talking for a while. The group was running away from a big horde of walkers chasing them like rabbits down the hole. They all got separated, leaving Clementine with Sarah in order to protect her like she couldn't do to Nick. They were trapped in a small store, bangings on the windows getting louder each second. The girls' heartbeats were faster and faster. Clementine had to think, to get them out of that hole. The only way out was on a skywatch above their heads. The time was flying away and they both managed to get out just in the time. For Sarah it didn't really matter when she saw her dad dead, half torn apart and bleeding. Alvin had the same fate.

The girl couldn't struggle anymore. She was just too weak and broken, without her protector. Clementine, she has tried everything to get the old Sarah back, but nothing was coming out good. Sarah eventually started thinking how her dad was actually alive, somewhere close to them and that idea cost her now miserable life. It seemed like she was living in a different world, with no walkers, and she ran and ran, the group chased her getting eaten alive. How sad was it watch little innocent Sarah getting eaten alive from monsters with no remorse. That scene was horrible and it left no one indifferent. All they could do was put her out of her misery which attrackted those dead, but they had to do it. Her scream was piercing Clementine's dreams, now turning to nightmares leaving her terrified when she'd wake up. She couldn't even escape the reality in the sleep, it seemed like it was breaking down, all falling in the ocean, too deep to get back.

She was her friend, best friend as they promised to each other. _Pinky promise lasts forever! _Sarah's voice reminded her of how she would forget about everything while being with the cheerful girl, she had no idea what was happening around her. Carlos was right, she ceased to fuction, but she always thought there was hope for Sarah, maybe if she tried better. Another death on her weak shoulders was added. All the games, jokes, stupid secrets, chats, made tears get down her golden eyes full of darkness. All those people were going to die and she knew it.

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**A/N : I dunno if I'm gonna separate it in chapter or write next parts in this whole one, you know. Nah, nevermind.**

**Please leave a review, it means a lot :)**


	2. Should We Play a Game?

**I've been like real busy and sick so I didn't have any time to update. **

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The loss didn't even stop, not for a single minute. Clementine was still fighting with the guilt on her and now the other one is going away. This time it was Alvin and Carlos, both fathers who risked themselves to protect their loved ones. Sarah and Rebecca wanted them back so badly they stopped talking for a while. The group was running away from a big horde of walkers chasing them like rabbits down the hole. They all got separated, leaving Clementine with Sarah in order to protect her like she couldn't do to Nick. They were trapped in a small store, bangings on the windows getting louder each second. The girls' heartbeats were faster and faster. Clementine had to think, to get them out of that hole. The only way out was on a skywatch above their heads. The time was flying away and they both managed to get out just in the time. For Sarah it didn't really matter when she saw her dad dead, half torn apart and bleeding. Alvin had the same fate.

The girl couldn't struggle anymore. She was just too weak and broken, without her protector. Clementine, she has tried everything to get the old Sarah back, but nothing was coming out good. Sarah eventually started thinking how her dad was actually alive, somewhere close to them and that idea cost her now miserable life. It seemed like she was living in a different world, with no walkers, and she ran and ran, the group chased her getting eaten alive. How sad was it watch little innocent Sarah getting eaten alive from monsters with no remorse. That scene was horrible and it left no one indifferent. All they could do was put her out of her misery which attrackted those dead, but they had to do it. Her scream was piercing Clementine's dreams, now turning to nightmares leaving her terrified when she'd wake up. She couldn't even escape the reality in the sleep, it seemed like it was breaking down, all falling in the ocean, too deep to get back.

She was her friend, best friend as they promised to each other. _Pinky promise lasts forever! _Sarah's voice reminded her of how she would forget about everything while being with the cheerful girl, she had no idea what was happening around her. Carlos was right, she ceased to fuction, but she always thought there was hope for Sarah, maybe if she tried better. Another death on her weak shoulders was added. All the games, jokes, stupid secrets, chats, made tears get down her golden eyes full of darkness. All those people were going to die and she knew it.

(...)

_It was late in afternoon, the sky was clear and sun was about to set soon. The group has just eaten thier meal and everyone was taking a little rest, excpet Luke and Jane. She wanted to go on run for supplies alone, but Luke insisted to come along. Clementine didn't know why he wanted to be with Jane so bad recently? Few day ago he said he didn't really trust her because of her appearnce as a cold loner, but now he's going with her somewhere unknown and maybe dangerous? Does he trust her? She heard some member of the gruop talking about Luke and Jane having done some things but she didn't understand why, she only overheard some 'kissing stuff' what she called, disgusting. To be honest, she was afraid for him. She didn't really trust Jane completely, her fear was she'll abandon him to save her own skin. But she had to put some faith and trust in her, after all she was still with them, she still didn't leave after Carver's. That could be something good._

_Clementine was sitting on the couch with Sarah while adults were busy dealing with some 'mature stuff'. Sarah was excited like usual, eve if there wasn't anything that exciting, it was just two of them, sitting there and chatting about all and everything. Her brown eyes were sparking and she was super cheerful, meaning she's ready for some 'fun'._

_"So you never told me what was yoru favourite colour, Clementine! Mine is mostly red, and maybe purple, they're like real cool, mostly when I wear clothes!" Sarah was once again asking some so unusual questions for the zombie apocalypse. Clementine wondered how could she be so playful, happy all the time? Well expect when she's scared, which is often with all those walkers, so she'd have some panic attacks._

_Clementine had to answer her innocent question but not so enthusiastic as Sara would, she'd feel bad if she ignored her "Um, I'll go with, blue."_

_She nodded with a smile on her face "Should we play a game? I've got one! Or more. What about 'have you ever' or maybe 'would you ever' ? Your choice Clem!"_

_She was thinking a little what should she choose but her thinking was lasting real long for Sarah's impatience so she decided on her own, and Clementine of course, agreed "You're taking too long! We'll do both! First I ask ask you 'have you ever' and then you do the same to me and then I ask you this time 'would you ever', then you again! Got it?"_

_She nodded as sign of approval and waited Sarah's question. She seemed to have a lot of unanswered questions from Clementine "Okay! Have you ever gotten an F in the school?"_

_Clementine made a confused face, slightly laughing in herself, because what kind of question was this? She has almost forgotten her first grade! It was too easy for her._

_"No. I've only been to the first grade so I had all A's." _

_Sarah answered her question even if it wasn't part of the game but if she wanted she could do whatever she wanted with her silly games "Oh, so. I've been only to seventh grade, that's when I got chemistry, physics, it was like super boring!" She looked around and slowly got closer to Clementine, whispering her 'ultimate secret' "Don't tell anyone this! I've once gotten an F! I know, it was that stupid physics, I talked to a friend and he asked me some dumb questions and that was it. I felt real bad!"_

_Clementine had nothing to add on that so she just nodded. The game didn't stop, it was her turn "So, have you ever... um... tasted alcohol?" This was a silly question, she probably shouldn't have asked her that, msotly because of her protective dad Carlos, she still found him kinda scary, especially when he gets mad._

_Sarah's eyes widened at this unexpected question, she expected something like the favourite book or the best meal. She actually has seen Clementine taking a few sips from Jane and Bonnie, but not too much like adults would, especially Nick. Sarah was curious why all the people like it, so she gave it a try, late in the night while everybody was asleep. Bonnie's alcohol was hidden pretty good but if Sarah wanted to find something - she'd do it. Nervousness took over her like it was a death-life situation but this was a big event for her. Her father never allowed her such things but she wanted to break that rule, only secretly, she'd be dead if he knew it! It was a red wine, half drunk, and she carefully took a sip while her eyes being closed. First it felt weird but after a few moments huge warmness made its way through her whole body, she was indee amazed by this! She took a few more and then she heard some footsteps coming to her direction. The wine bottle was swiftly put to the 'hidden' place of Bonnie's, and Sarah turned around to see her best friend, Clementine looking at her confused. _

_"Um, what are you doing Sarah?" Clementine yawned, being just woken from a sleep. _

_Sarah silently muttered "I-I was thirsty, real thirsty so I drank a... water!"_

_Clementine wasn't really in a mood to ask her more questions so she just nodded and they both went to sleep again. Sarah was afraid if she's gonna get drunk. Everyone would realize and Clementine would know she lied to her! She barely got any sleep that night, waiting for any sign of her being drunk, but that did not happen._

_Sarah was deciding should she lie or tell the truth. But she never like lying, especially to her best friend so she shyly admitted "Y-Yes."_

_Clementine was surprised by her answer and wondered when that happened "So, when?"_

_She didn't even look at her, feeling ashamed of herself "T-That night when I told you I was thirsty and I drank water. I took a few sips of Bonnie's wine. I'm sorry!"_

_Clementine put her gentle hand on Sarah's shoulder in order to make her feel better "You don't have to be sorry, you didn't get drunk."_

_Sarah hugged her and calmly whispered to her ear "T-Thanks Clem. You're the best friend ever!"_

_The sweet moment of their friendship broke a piercing scream, recognized as a female "Aaaaagh!"_

_They both ran upstairs, where the sound was coming from, being worried what could have happened now. Kenny was holding Rebecca by her hand and tried to calm her down. Suddenly everyone came to check up what's going on. Apperantly Rebecca was going to give a birth! That was a big thing, for sure. _

_The girls couldn't do a lot for help, adults were taking care of Rebecca and the birth while Mike was on a watch, you never know when will walkers show up. Clementine and Sarah were in the kitchen, sitting in a silence for a while until someone knocked on the front door. The girls shared a look and fastly ran to see who was it. Luke and Jane were back, looking safe and carrying some supplies in a bag, that was a good news. Clementine and Luke immediately smiled at each other and he gave her a silly high five "Yo kiddo, master of poker is back again." _

_She shook her head while smiling, he definitely had a weird accent which she found very funny, Sarah thought the same. "Oh, I'm feeling good, thanks for asking!" Clementine sarcasticly replied which made Jane and Luke smile. _

_They all got back to the house, Jane left the bag of the supplies in the corner while taking a big breath, she must be exhausted. She could handle herself real good, at least that's what it looked liek to Clemenitne, maybe it was the opposite, she could never be sure about 'adults' problems', they probably hide them too well, or not that well._

_Rebecca's scream filled the whole house making Jane and Luke gasp in a worry. "What, what's happening!?" Luke asked, his brown eyes full of fear, it must have surprise them both, since they were gone when rebecca started to, give the birth._

_"Oh, Rebecca's having the baby!" Sarah cheerfully exclaimed, a big smile decorating her face._

_He immediately ran up the stairs, he knew Rebecca for a long time, surely he was worried about her. But Jane wasn't entusiastic as him, she rather raised her eyebrow, finally speaking when she saw Sarah's gone somewhere else, leaving her and Clementine alone "It won't survive, it's a shit out there. It's just getting worse."_

_Clementine was always wondering why was she so negative, pessimistic about almost everything? Yes, she knew her sister died, but that doesn't excuse her for being like this. _

_"How would you know? No one knows, stop being so negative about it." She gave Clementine one harsh look, she'd often share with others. She had her softer side while being with Clementine, but why couldn't she have it in front of all the people? That's what bothered Clem._

_"It isn't 'negative', it's the truth, a reality we're all livining. Do you think it's the best time and place to have a baby, who cries and eats and can't do anything at all? It's gonna get us killed."_

_The biggest hope they've all had is the baby and now Jane comes up with some 'survival' bullsh*t, hoping she'd make Clementine "open" her eyes. She had nothing to open, she already could see everything, the problem is actually in her, she was like a locked shed, oh that makes her think of something. However Clementine didn't keep her mouth closed, instead she stood up for herself, she's not gonna make all this fall down into a thousand pieces because she think it's the right thing "What's the point in going on if we throw the only hope we have away?"_

_She sent Clementine her usual glare, that seemed to be always so cold, but of course she was human and she had her weak moments, "You've gotta open your eyes for your own sake Clementine! Geez, they're chaning your point of view!"_

_Clementine very well knew by "they" she meant the group, the group is chaning her point of view? That's ridiculous, what's her problem all of sudden? She considers her as my friend, she's got real funny and interesting stories from her past, but she hated when she was being like this, mostly the reason was her sister Jaime and the gruops she's been with. _

_"Well you are trying exactly the same! Why do you have to be like that all the time!?" Clementine's talking slightly turned to a half yelling and she has just now realized. Jane's expression changed as the uncomfortable silence stood there making the both survivors embarrassed of themselves._

_Before she could say a word, Jane's voice continued talking in a lower tone, sounding like the woman was tired or sad "I, I'm, sorry, okay? Is that what you wanna hear? Because I've got nothing else."_

_The little girl suddenly felt bad, she didn't mean to be harsh on her, but she was just angry, but she knew that does not excuse her. Her arm slowly moved to her other shoulder, her head still lowered while her eyes awkwardly looked at the floor. A little warm breath made its way through her mouth, soon losing itself in the chill air, and her mind trying to find the right words to say after everything. _

_The presence slowly walked close to the girl as she felt it, she didn't want to see her. "You, you really think there's hope for the, the baby?"_

_That question hit her like a truck. She wasn't ready for it even though her words made clear she would protect the baby no matter what with her friends. But was she ready to give up the last pieces of her peace in order to the newborn to live in the sh*t world like this? Was it even going to make it? Does Wellington even exists? It's so far away, supposed to be cold, freezing, like a kingdom full of ice but no one knew was the kingdom safe, or real. She didn't have a proper answer nor any strenght for whatever it actually is, so Jane walked out of the room, leaving Clementine doubt wheter they're gonna survive or not._

* * *

The day was really harsh on them, the cold wind was kicking their back and filling their lung with too much cold they didn't need at all. All they could see was whitness, it was more than snowing. They desparetly needed a place to stay at least for a while, but there was nothing around them. Always the same.

According to Luke's maths skill there was a long road ahead, supposed to be like a thirteen days to reach somewhere near Wellington, they couldn't know the exact location exepct it was near Michigan, not like it was a much of help, but it's still all they had.

The group was sad and quiet, half of members were missing ; Nick, Alvin, Carlos, Sarah, Rebecca. Rebecca left this world four days ago, all tired and she had just give the birth to a beautiful boy named after his father - Alvin Junior. His eyes were chocolate brown and he was so cute to Clementine, she loved spending her time with him. Too bad he couldn't speak.

Right now the group was fighting with the storm, everyone being busy with their own minds and memories. Clementine could barely see little Alvie being held by Bonnie, she had to know he was safe and sound, they promised to his parents, and everyone was going to keep their last promise, especially to a friend. _Dead friend. _The group was moving through what seemed nothing until they saw in distance some kind of buildings, they were big enoug for them.

"It's about time." Mike's deep voice said in a relief, being cut off by the very familiar growlings which sounded close to them.

"Can't we just get a break man!?" Kenny irritatedly added while cursing to himself. The view of nothing was suddenly full of dark creatures walking towards them full of hunger. They all got their weapons ready.

A dozen of bullets were fired, followed with yelping of the now 'dead undead'. Very soon all what was left was sound of click, meaning the guns were basically empty and only Jane and Luke had a machete and a knife. They had no other choice but to run, run as fast as they could. The building was getting closer and closer, but of course it couldn't go that smooth for them, something was about to stop it.

"Clementine watch out!" Jane's voice shouted and Clementine figured it had to be a walker trying to get a part of her. Her tired body barely turned around only to see an ugly dead opening its bloody mouth and its arms reaching for her. Her little voice gasped in a fear because she had no weapon but the hero showed right in the time - Luke. Clementine was moved out of the way and was replaced by Luke's tall figure. His shaking hand tried to kill the walker with his machete but it dropped in the white snow and the dead bit him in the arm. Jane swiftly stabbed it with her small knife making that monster fall onto the ground. He, he saved Clementine's life, he risked himself for her, he's dead man now.

"Go!" Kenny demanded as they followed the others.

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**Please leave a review, your opinion :)**

**The Jane part is finished now yay xd**


	3. You Get What You Deserve

"Man that was so close." Mike was catching a breath after a long exhausting running. Clementine felt so bad, even worse after Mike's words. They could have all get here without any bite if she had just been more careful, once again.

"It, it was close for me." Luke siently added, his voice shaking from the fear, Clementine knew him good. Jane didn't wait, she just got away in one of the rooms, probably feeling bad.

Bonnie, Mike and Kenny turned around in a shock, seeing a huge bite on his arm. Bonnie looked like she was gonna fall, her face was pale, after all she cared for him or maybe there was something more between those two. Mike was good with Luke, what to say, two good _pals_. Kenny would often fight with Luke about some desicions and about the group but he didn't stay indifferent. They all had pity for the poor man which Clementine found to be the best and a good man.

Once again the same happened, how could this be possible? Why did he save her, it should have been her. Why did she have to be with no weapon on herself, why did she have to attrack that monster who stole her friend!? Can't everybody just lie to her, tell her it's okay, just a bad dream or a nightmare. Isn't this pain just enough, why can't it stop? Couldn't she just open her damn eyes and be lying in her little bed, waiting her Mum to wake her up!? Were the angles that lonely, why did they took all the people she's loved? It didn't matter, it took them away, it took him away...

Her hands seemed so tiny, they didn't save anybody, they were useless. She was walking outside, though almost everyone tried to stop her because it was "dangerous", but thankfully Jane took her side. Yes, she did bring a weapon now, but now was too late, it always was. The skies were moody, covered with gray clouds that peacefully drifted away as the cold northen wind blowed them away, somewhere else, maybe there was better than here. The sun could not be seen, it hid like a some coward, scared from the storms and it somehow made Clementine mad at it. The sun seemed like _life_ to her, it hid and the death took her friends because it just couldn't stay on its place! Or she was just too blind to see it was actually her. She was hiding in herself, no wanting to talk about it to anyone, locked inside her body. The key seemed to be lost and probably bloody from all the guilt she's been holding on her shoulders.

The path was tight, covered with frost and some small rocks, it led to a forest. She wanted to be alone, she deserved it, didn't she? The pines were tall enough to hide the small figure that was slowly walking with its head lowered down, covered with some old faded cap. The tears were falling down her both cheecks and she didn't want to wipe them, they had to stay there to remind her she was weak, not some strong girl. After this, it won't ever be the same. This hit her limit. Lee would probably have something smart and comforting to say. She hopes he can hear her. They're all gone somewhere they aren't coming back, and she had no strenght to come back where Luke was soon to be put out og his misery. The tears left a visible patk down her cheecks, the salty water was chilled with the northern wind.

She knew she had to go back, she had to deal with her stupid mistakes, paying off your sins isn't exactly an easy job, and looking straight into its eyes was so much worse. She's punishing herself, every single time since God knows when. Yeah, she still was a child but she damn well knew that look in the eyes from the others, now she has to face it again. Would she break apart or maybe not - she frankly didn't give a sh*t. You get what you deserve, at least in this case.

She was basically shaking when she saw that house they all were in, Luke was there too. Will everyone blame it on her (she honestly did think they had every right to do so, but still she didn't really like all the lectures making her weaker, but it was the way it was, huh, not so simple, right?) or will they just lie to her "_it's not yor fault, it just happened like that_". No it did not happen just like that! It never happens because of that, someone always has to share the blame! Everything seemed so different after changing her point of view on life, and well things.

Oh dear Lord, she didn't have any strength to walk in, look at Luke - all pale and weak, everyone staring at her with their stupid eyes, and then she had to see him dying and she'd remember all the deaths - just no. She'll just hide, like a stupid little coward, with something to comfort her or hurt her. Now she had to find that 'something'. Now when she thinks about it, Bonnie had that bottle of alcohol, that could help perhaps. It was in her backpack, _sh*t._ She tried to be as quiet as possible until she finally found that little purple backpack, right inside the house next to the back door. Her shaky and pretty cold fingers made their way to the green bottle but her eye quickly caught something else too - pack of cigaretts. Wll, it was now or never, do or die. From the poor informations and knowledge she's had about that stuff, she remembered something about "_you forget your problems_" and familiar. Alright, it's there.

And now comes the part with running off and hiding, how exciting! She made her way back next to one of the stumps. Okay, she could sit on that and let her pain and every single kind of feeling with being alone. The stump was cold as expected, the snow was still snowing but slightly and her surroundings were all covered in clean white, it looked like innocence, no blood nor dirt on it. If only she could be like that or at least feel like that. The bottle was half drunk, Luke's birthday was just a week ago so they celebrated. She sighed, the memories won over her once again, she felt so weak being like that. She managed to open the bottle, the strong smell of alcohol immediately attacking her nostrils. It reminded her of Nick and... Oh wonderful, she was losing the battles and she was getting deeper. _Just drink it already you fool!_ The voice within her yelled at her, so she obeyed.

One sip made her cough like crazy and she almost choked, it tasted pretty bad and weird but it warmed her whole body quickly after not so pretty introduction between these too. Clementine tried to count those sips she'd take, they started as real small ones but then they turned into a big sips. Her vision became blurred and she felt like she was happy, she forgot everything - even her name, well not really but she called herself _Cloomytum_, and her body felt light not heavy like before. Bonnie sure knew how to enjoy her time, or that's what Clementine thought at the moment.

_I didn't even lit a one lil' baby! Geez Cloom!_ She somehow grabbed one of the cigarettes and slowly brought the lighter from her pocket. It took her a decnt amount of time, she was basically drunk. Who would ever thought about little innocent Clementine ending up like this? They'd all be surprised, shocked, not like she cared now. She finally put that thing in her mouth and sucked a way too big breath and she was once again left with nothing but coughing. It lasted long but she continued. The grayish smoke seemed to take all the anxiety and pain from her and throw it away in the wild, that was perfect.

The time passed by and everything around her became darker. the last thing she saw was a perfectly white snow right in front of her tired golden eyes.


End file.
